Charlie II

I liked this! No jokes! But there's always something that can be changed: Twelve cloaked figures stood in a circle; the walls surrounding them were illuminated by a [s]strange [/s]blue ...

Hey Kyte! Just a few things: I felt myself being sucked down, down, into the black water… I screamed, my voice lost in the wind. I didn’t want to die! ...

Hey Polgara (David Eddings fan?) and welcome to the site. To begin with, as Twit has already mentioned, the general rule is to review two pieces of work for every ...

You know when people write 'lol' but they aren't actually laughing out loud? Well, this is not one of those moments. I don't know whether this is utter genius or ...

Absolutely fantastic. Pure brilliance. It either puts you off writing, when you see that sort of talent, or redoubles your efforts. Wow. Parts were sad, parts were funny, parts were ...

I've read them. I wouldn't give them 10/10. Nice books, but depressingly predictable is the most recent one I've read: 'Freeglader' . Nice to read, but still a kids book ...

I don't think another 'line by line' would help here. So! Here comes an overview! Droning I do this a lot :( . Describe, don't drone. I think this is ...

The dervish ran through the savannah, the heat and fatigue wearing him down . His scythe hung from his belt as he crossed the sand, the sun bearing down on ...

As I said: The seaside town, which lay nestled at the foot of a mountain, was one of the many to be visited by the pink haired girl. Nestled is ...

Interesting storyline. I really like the ideas in it though perhaps it could do with a little editing: Alsana was shocked by the news. She couldn’t believe that it was ...

Okay *puts on rubber gloves* lets critique! My gaze was removed from Rick's face and now bore into the woman's face. Removed sounds like someone else did it. Maybe 'switiched' ...

Like I said, I'm expecting pieces of eight for this: The sun bore down, warming his face. Ok, first sentence is always the hardest. This assumes that we already partially ...

I said I'd critique it! So here I am: The girl hair was very short and had lost the shine that once outlined it. The hair was dirty and messed ...

*Sniffs* It's really quite sad :( . It was a good house—two stories, three bedrooms, a two car garage—but it was never a very good home, though I was sure ...

I just spent about 20 minutes writing out a full critique before my computer froze and I lost it. I'll piece back together as much as I'm able to without ...